How to Build Unshakeable Inner Confidence and Self-Worth

Jay Shetty Podcast

Introduction to Building Confidence and Self-Worth [00:00:08]

Jay Shetty introduces the topic of confidence and self-worth, highlighting that it's a journey of building, not a born trait. He emphasizes the importance of understanding yourself at your core, beyond accomplishments.

1. Finding Joy and Prioritizing Personal Happiness (Kendall Jenner) [01:43]

Kendall Jenner shares her approach to maintaining groundedness and self-worth amidst public scrutiny.

• Overcoming Overwhelm with Personal Practices:
  • Feeling overwhelmed by various self-help trends like meditation and therapy.
  • Realizing the importance of a personal, individualized approach to self-care.
• Returning to Simple Pleasures:
  • Taking time off from work to enjoy simple activities, like attending a friend's birthday party.
  • Reconnecting with a lifelong passion: horseback riding, which brought her immense happiness.
• Cultivating a Core Belief in Happiness:
  • Believing that happiness should be a central goal in life.
  • Acknowledging the difficulty of maintaining happiness in industries influenced by social media and external pressures.
• Living in Your "Higher Self":
  • Discussing with her therapist the concept of a "higher goddess" or "higher self."
  • Striving to reside in this state where external opinions or disagreements cannot shake her core identity.
• Practicing Self-Affirmation:
  • Engaging in daily self-talk, looking in the mirror, and affirming positive qualities like "You're great, you're gorgeous, you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive."
  • Using words of affirmation to counteract false narratives and external judgments.
• Understanding Multifaceted Identity:
  • Jay Shetty's "leaf exercise" to illustrate that people are complex and multifaceted, not singular views.
  • Highlighting Charles Horton Cooley's wisdom: "I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am," showing how much we live in perceived perceptions.
  • Emphasizing the importance of internal validation over external validation, and valuing the opinions of those who truly know you.
    • Recognizes that relying on external validation often leads to feelings of hurt and insecurity.

2. Embracing Scary Experiences for Self-Discovery (Vanessa Hudgens) [09:34]

Vanessa Hudgens discusses how stepping out of her comfort zone helped her regain a sense of self after intense work.

• Disconnection After Emotionally Demanding Roles:
  • Experiencing a loss of identity after filming a series of emotionally taxing movies.
  • Feeling disconnected from "Vanessa" after deeply embodying other characters, including significant physical changes.
• Taking a Leap of Faith – Solo Yoga Retreat:
  • Deciding to go on a solo yoga retreat in Hawaii, specifically choosing it because it scared her.
  • Believing that doing things that scare you forces personal evolution.
• Developing Presence and Connection:
  • Embracing solo experiences like dining alone and engaging with strangers.
  • Finding these interactions force her to be present and genuinely listen, fostering new connections.
• The Freeing Nature of Being Present:
  • Realizing the freeing experience of being on her own and connecting with people without prior knowledge.
  • Valuing the presence required when interacting with unfamiliar individuals, leading to deeper listening.

3. The Role of Genuine Love in Boosting Confidence (Claudia Oshry) [13:26]

Claudia Oshry shares her personal journey of how her husband's love played a significant role in improving her self-image and confidence.

• Confidence from Unconditional Love:
  • Attributing much of her confidence to her husband's unwavering love and belief in her.
  • Feeling empowered and beautiful because someone she highly admires thinks so highly of her.
• Navigating Body Changes and Health:
  • Acknowledging a past unhealthy lifestyle and current challenges with body changes due to pregnancy.
  • Highlighting that visual aesthetics don't always reflect health, but her personal experience was one of unhealthiness related to weight.
• Adopting a More Active and Balanced Lifestyle:
  • Incorporating "little pockets of activity" throughout her day, such as walking to meetings and working out regularly.
  • Focusing on a more well-rounded diet, making small changes like switching to brown rice and grilled chicken despite being a picky eater.
• Mourning the Body, Not the Life:
  • Expressing that she mourns the changes in her body during pregnancy more than the life she left behind.
  • Feeling fulfilled by her 20s, having lived life to the fullest, and being ready for the next chapter of motherhood.

4. Cultivating Inner Peace Through Soul Care (Alicia Keys) [18:52]

Alicia Keys discusses how she turned her personal struggles with anxiety and skin issues into a philosophy of "soul care."

• Stress and Its Physical Manifestation:
  • Struggling with persistent skin issues (acne) from her teenage years into her thirties.
  • Realizing her body physically reacts to stress, a common human response that can lead to various ailments.
• Developing a Philosophy of Soul Care:
  • Emphasizing the critical need to care for one's soul, not just the body.
  • Identifying the importance of peace, calm, and feeling safe in one's own skin.
• Releasing Toxic Commitments and Relationships:
  • Recognizing that prior relationships and overwhelming commitments left no space for self-reflection, sleep, or social outlets.
  • Actively removing toxic energies from her life that contributed to her stress.
• Practices for Inner Grounding:
  • Using meditations to achieve an intuitive space and connect with her inner truth.
  • Practicing journaling as a "stream of consciousness" to release thoughts and emotions, especially when unable to express them verbally.
  • Attracted to crystals and their meanings for peace and calm.
• Affirmations and Mindfulness in Daily Rituals:
  • Creating a skincare line with affirmations on each bottle, linking daily routines to mindful self-connection.
  • Encouraging presence in the moment, rather than being distracted by past or future concerns.
  • Highlighting the absence of "soul care" in common self-care practices (hair care, nail care, etc.) and seeking to integrate it.
• Interconnectedness of Body, Mind, and Soul:
  • Jay Shetty's agreement on the deep connection between physical and mental well-being, emphasizing the value of affirmations and cleansing rituals for both body and soul.

5. Confidence as a Byproduct of Action and Practice (Lisa Bilyeu) [26:32]

Lisa Bilyeu redefines confidence as a result of taking action and consistent practice, rather than a prerequisite.

• Challenging the Misconception of Confidence:
  • Previously believing she needed confidence before pursuing her dreams, leading to inaction.
  • Realizing that confidence is actually a byproduct of taking action.
• Building Competence through Practice:
  • Emphasizing the need to start insecurely, practice, and gain competence.
  • Citing "Karate Kid" (wax on, wax off) as an analogy for consistent skill building.
• Confidence as a Muscle:
  • Describing confidence as a muscle that needs continuous practice to stay strong.
  • Explaining that confidence is specific to different areas (e.g., public speaking vs. stage performance), and one area's confidence doesn't translate automatically to others.
• Overcoming the Fear of Judgment and External Validation:
  • Her personal struggle as a stay-at-home wife who felt trapped and insecure, believing she wasn't capable of more.
  • The fear of being bullied for trying new things, stemming from childhood experiences.
  • The crucial shift from seeking external validation to self-validation, asking "What am I going to do today to validate myself?"

6. Embracing Self-Expression and Authenticity (Meghan Trainor) [33:33]

Meghan Trainor shares how writing "All About That Bass" as a personal "therapy song" unexpectedly led to widespread success and taught her about authentic self-expression.

• Accidental Anthem of Self-Love:
  • Writing "All About That Bass" initially as a joke and a "therapy song" about body image, not expecting it to be released.
  • The song's raw, unautotuned demo resonated profoundly, leading to its unexpected success.
• Moving Beyond External Validation:
  • Realizing that after achieving a number one hit, she fell into the trap of chasing radio success and chart performance for subsequent songs, leading to frustration.
  • Deciding to "take it back" to her authentic self, prioritizing genuine self-expression over commercial expectations.
• Honesty in Art and Life:
  • Her new album reflects a "healed, mature mother who is just ruthlessly honest."
  • Acknowledging the curated nature of social media and sharing the less visible struggles, like crying, despite appearing to have a perfect life.

7. The Power of Consistent Improvement and Long-Term Growth (Kobe Bryant) [36:55]

Kobe Bryant highlights how his mindset of continuous improvement and resilience helped him build unshakeable confidence, despite not being the most naturally gifted athlete.

• Resilience Through Trial and Error:
  • Understanding that life has a cyclical nature of wins and losses, and not dwelling on failures.
  • Emphasizing the importance of "getting over yourself" and continuously evolving.
• Prioritizing Long-Term Growth Over Immediate Results:
  • As a scrawny, less athletic kid with knee issues, he had to focus on long-term development rather than immediate competition.
  • Strategically working on specific skills each year to patiently catch up and surpass peers.
• The Consistency of Work:
  • Stressing that confidence and self-worth come from consistent daily effort and improvement over years, not just a few months.
  • Criticizing the modern emphasis on immediate results in youth sports, which often neglects holistic child development.
• Defining True Confidence:
  • Confidence isn't about arrogance but about not needing to compare yourself to others.
  • True self-worth comes from knowing yourself and committing to continuous self-improvement, regardless of current accomplishments.
  • Confidence is built in quiet moments through self-accountability and self-talk.