Understanding Undiagnosed Autistic Traits: Personal Experiences I Mistook for Normal

Summary:

This video discusses seven common autistic traits the speaker realized were not "normal" after her diagnosis:

Being a "watcher": Observing social interactions to learn unspoken rules.
Misinterpreting "common courtesy": Not understanding why certain actions, like slamming a car door, are considered disrespectful when no harm is done.
Being easily entertained: Finding fascination in mundane details, like ceiling architecture in a grocery store line.
Polarized reactions from bosses: Experiencing either intense dislike or strong favor from managers, often due to direct communication and initiative.
Overexplaining and needing all details: Believing every detail is crucial and desiring thorough explanations from others.
Time blindness: Struggling to accurately estimate time for tasks and needing to meticulously calculate and plan to avoid lateness.
Lack of body awareness: Unaware of personal micro-expressions and gestures during social interactions until seeing them on video.

Speaker explaining the concept of being easily entertained by looking at mundane things like ceilings [ 00:08:28 ]

Discovering Undiagnosed Autistic Traits [0:00]

The speaker shares her journey of understanding autism after receiving a diagnosis a few months prior. [0:00]
- She notes the significant difference in how her brain works compared to neurotypical individuals. [0:20]
- She was inspired by content from other autistic creators, particularly "Mom on the Spectrum," which helped her resonate with specific traits. [0:24]
Her autism went undiagnosed for a long time due to a high IQ, especially in speech and academic performance. [0:54]
- She excelled in school, learned to walk and talk early, and was reading in kindergarten, which masked her autistic traits. [1:17]
- She identifies with having "social autism," indicating her challenges were primarily in social understanding. [1:38]

As a child, she preferred observing other children interact at playgrounds rather than actively engaging with them. [2:57]
- She would stand back and watch, absorbing social dynamics. [3:00]
- While she would talk if approached, her parents noted her strong inclination towards watching. [3:08]
This behavior stems from a deep desire to soak up knowledge, a common autistic trait. [3:22]
- She constantly seeks to learn, even listening to educational podcasts while driving. [3:30]
- Unlike her peers who only learned school material, she delved into various subjects like psychology outside of school. [3:50]
She experiences hyperfixation, like on the Olympics, where she would watch clips and analyze performances while doing homework, highlighting her observational learning style. [4:10]

She doesn't get upset over actions that are typically considered common courtesy issues. [5:11]
- She recounts an incident where a friend's boyfriend apologized for slamming her car door, and she genuinely didn't understand why it was considered bad. [5:15]
- To her, doors are meant to be closed, and slamming a car door, which is built to withstand impact, causes no real damage. [6:00]
This illustrates how many "unspoken codes" of social behavior are not inherently logical to autistic individuals, requiring direct explanation. [6:10]

This is a trait she believes is shared by both autistic and ADHD individuals. [6:43]
- Her best friend pointed out her ability to be "politely entertained" and find fun in any situation. [7:29]
Autistic people can easily wander off into their own world and entertain themselves with mundane things. [8:09]
- She gives the example of being in a Walmart checkout line and instead of scrolling on her phone, she'd stare at the ceiling, analyzing its construction or paint. [8:18]
- She genuinely thought this ability to self-entertain in such ways was normal for everyone. [8:40]

Autistic and ADHD individuals often experience polarized relationships with management: bosses either love or hate them, with no in-between. [9:07]
- Despite her 100% effort and good performance, she has consistently faced issues with managers. [9:58]
She believes this is due to autistic people's directness and initiative. [10:34]
- When she makes a mistake, she immediately informs management and explains how she fixed it, often taking actions that are typically managerial duties. [10:40]
- Neurotypical management can feel threatened by this initiative and directness, as most people try to hide mistakes. [11:11]
Furthermore, she struggles when management accuses her of doing something wrong when she knows she did it correctly and has proof. [12:27]
- In the neurotypical world, one is often expected to "shut up and nod," which she is not okay with. [12:49]
- This tendency to defend herself with facts is perceived as threatening by managers, negatively impacting her workplace relationships. [13:18]
This has led her to decide to work for herself in the future, as she refuses to compromise her morals of standing up for what is right. [13:46]

Autistic individuals tend to overexplain when teaching others and desire comprehensive explanations when learning something new. [14:34]
- She explains everything she deems important because, to her, every single detail is crucial. [15:00]
- She uses the example of writing an essay where every detail felt important, making it hard to shorten. [15:11]
This is because autistic people prefer a full picture with all details to avoid missing anything, ensuring they know what to do if something goes wrong. [15:36]
- She gets frustrated when people cut her off, saying they "get it," because she feels they don't have the complete understanding. [15:59]

Time blindness is a significant aspect of neurodivergence, but often only discussed in terms of being late. [16:24]
- The speaker experiences time blindness in a way that makes her arrive early to everything. [16:41]
She cannot intuitively estimate how long tasks will take and must meticulously learn the time required for each specific activity through experience. [17:16]
- For example, getting ready for school, work, or social events all require different amounts of time, considering factors like outfit changes for comfort or naps between classes. [17:40]
- She has to track time before and after getting ready and factor in travel time, a process neurotypical people seem to "just know." [18:14]
She consistently gives herself at least an extra 30 minutes, resulting in her arriving early, because she cannot physically calculate the exact time needed to arrive precisely on time. [18:44]

She has been told she "stares into people's souls," a trait linked to autism (either intense staring or avoiding eye contact). [19:11]
- In social situations, she is so focused on appearing sociable and "normal" that she is unaware of her own behaviors, including micro-expressions and gestures. [19:35]
It is jarring for her to watch videos of herself in social interactions because she has "zero idea" how she is acting to other people. [19:53]
- She can only notice her hand gestures and other body language when she is actively watching herself on camera. [20:15]