The Secrets of My Life: BasSTOP PLUS Reveals Personal Struggles, Breakup, Panic Attacks, and Financial Loss

pasSTOP PLUS

Introduction and Initial Revelation [0:00]

• The speaker, BasSTOP PLUS, introduces the video with visible nervousness, thanking his audience for reaching 50,000 subscribers.
• He hints at sharing deeply personal secrets he never anticipated revealing.
  • These secrets are aspects of his life that have caused him significant distress and continue to trouble him.

The Relationship with Reema [1:07]

• The narrative begins with his relationship with a woman named Reema.
  • He met Reema in 2018, later correcting the year to late 2017 [1:17].
  • He describes falling deeply in love with her and seeing her as his ideal partner [1:24].
  • His commitment led him to make significant life changes:
    • Moving to a different city [1:28].
    • Leaving his university studies [1:30].
    • Abandoning his friends and familiar environment [1:32].
    • Living in her neighborhood, fully immersing himself in her life [1:35].
  • He considered Reema his "center of safety," indicating immense trust and reliance on her [1:47].
  • The relationship progressed smoothly for several years [1:50].

The Breakup and Psychological Breakdown [1:53]

• His mental state began to decline in 2019 [1:53].
  • He describes feeling increasingly isolated and experiencing psychological distress [1:58].
• Reema ended their engagement in August 2019, returning the ring after a visit to Syria [2:11].
  • His immediate reaction was to appear calm and accepting ("It's okay") [2:27].
  • Internally, he was profoundly shocked and devastated [2:34].
• Following the breakup, he withdrew from the world.
  • He spent approximately 10 to 12 days secluded in his home, not leaving or communicating with anyone [3:27].
  • This period was marked by intense emotional repression, where he struggled to process or express his feelings [3:34].
• Support from others did not alleviate his internal suffering.
  • Friends and family tried to offer encouragement, telling him to be strong and move on [3:46].
  • Despite acknowledging their good intentions, he felt internally broken and wished he could beg Reema to return, but his pride prevented him [3:53-4:02].
• The repressed emotions culminated in a severe panic attack [4:03].
  • He experienced it while driving, describing a feeling of immense pressure and being on the verge of explosion [4:10].
  • The panic attack felt like an impending death, with his heart racing uncontrollably and a loss of self-control, almost leading to a car accident [5:18].
  • In his state of terror, he attempted to call his father, then his mother, but decided against revealing his fear to them due to the geographical distance and not wanting to cause them distress [4:51-5:02].
  • His third call was to Reema, who found him in his distressed state [5:03].
  • He vividly describes feeling suffocated, as if his soul was being crushed [5:06].
• Seeking professional help and further rejection [5:37]
  • Reema accompanied him to a psychologist, who prescribed medication, but it did not improve his condition [5:37].
  • After spending a few days with Reema's family, he felt a brief sense of relief from the overwhelming fear [5:49].
  • However, Reema subsequently rejected his marriage proposal, signaling a final attempt to push him away [6:13-6:20].

Financial and Career Losses [7:45]

• A male friend, who he considered close, approached him in financial distress [7:45].
  • The friend had previously helped him, so he felt obligated to reciprocate [7:55].
• He invested all his savings, including money intended for a house with Reema, into his friend's venture [8:16].
  • He describes his friend spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in three months [8:19].
  • Due to his ongoing panic attacks and mental state, he was not fully aware of the extent of his financial losses at the time [8:28].
  • He later discovered that his friend was bankrupt and never returned the money [9:19-9:28].

The Five Pillars of Life and Existential Crisis [9:33]

• The speaker introduces a metaphor of "five pillars" essential for human stability, drawing a parallel to the five pillars of Islam.
  • Pillar 1: Family and Loved Ones: He lost Reema, whom he saw as more important than his own family, and became distant from friends [9:39-10:23].
  • Pillar 2: Wealth/Money: He lost all his accumulated savings [9:42-10:24].
  • Pillar 3: Work/Career: His psychological state made him unable to work consistently on his YouTube channel, leading to declines [9:44-10:30].
  • Pillar 4: Psychological Health: He suffered from severe panic attacks, anxiety, and depression [9:46-10:26].
  • Pillar 5: Mental Capacity: He describes losing his ability to think clearly, feeling disoriented, and at times believing he was going mad [9:48-10:55].
• Losing all these pillars left him feeling utterly unsupported and lost [10:17-10:20].
• He expresses a profound sense of abandonment by God, feeling that despite being a good person, he was being punished [1:06-1:11].
  • His fear became so intense that he couldn't even bring himself to pray [1:41].

Reema's YouTube Success and Continued Harm [1:23:25]

• He reveals that he convinced Reema to start her own YouTube channel to improve her financial situation [1:23:25].
  • He personally handled all aspects of her channel: filming, editing, generating ideas, and even managing her content behind the camera [1:24:42-1:25:55].
  • Leveraging his own industry connections, he secured three advertisements for Reema's channel in its very first month, an extraordinary feat for a new YouTuber [1:26:03-1:26:10].
• This arrangement inadvertently harmed his own career.
  • Companies began comparing his channel's performance to Reema's, leading to a reduction in his advertising rates [1:26:12-1:26:27].
  • He describes losing subscribers and business contracts due to this situation, feeling that Reema "betrayed" his efforts and channel [1:26:30-1:27:03].
  • He saw her success as built on his knowledge and hard work, with her taking advantage of his vulnerability [1:27:17-1:28:05].
• A month after their breakup, Reema got engaged to another man, deepening his emotional wound [1:28:42-1:28:50].

Present State and Hope for the Future [1:49:50]

• The speaker admits to taking three tranquilizers daily to maintain his composure and calm demeanor [1:49:50].
• He feels like a part of him "died" in August 2019 and he no longer experiences genuine emotions or passion for life [1:50:00].
• His daily existence is merely about passing time, living internally "dead" [1:50:00].
• He expresses a deep-seated fear of loving again, even extending to his family members, as he associates love with intense pain and betrayal [1:50:20-1:50:30].
• He hopes to one day regain his former self, the BasSTOP PLUS who genuinely laughed and loved life [1:50:30-1:50:40].
• Despite his profound suffering, he has learned from his experiences and claims to be calmer internally, even amidst the ongoing internal struggles [1:50:40-1:50:50].
• He concludes by stating that he will no longer show this vulnerable side of himself publicly, implying a return to a more composed persona for his content [1:50:50-1:51:00].