Creator Vlada Explains the Evolution of Her Persona and Her Journey to Self-Acceptance

Nirami

Summary:

The creator, Vlada (known as V), clarifies that "Nirami" is her original character, a blue-haired panda girl, and not her actual identity. She explains that from 2013, she used Nirami as an online persona to express traits she desired, like being bubbly and adventurous, because she struggled with self-expression and low self-esteem in real life. Around 2016-2017, she began to separate herself from the character as she grappled with depression and a perception of herself as a quiet, unattractive "side character." A significant turning point in 2020, involving leaving an unsuitable college course and finding a supportive community, led her on a path of self-acceptance and therapy. This journey allowed her to embrace her true self, diminishing the need to hide behind her character. Now, she draws herself more confidently and maintains Nirami as a positive character, but distinct from her own identity as the artist.

Introduction: The Distinction Between Creator and Character [0:00:20]

The creator, Vlada (who prefers to be called V), clarifies that "Nirami" is the name of her original character, not her personal identity. She explains that the purpose of the video is to differentiate between herself as the artist and her character, Nirami, the blue-haired panda girl.

Early Years and Nirami as a Persona (2013-2016) [0:01:16]

The creator began using Nirami, her blue-haired panda girl character, as her online persona around 2013.

• Reasons for using a persona
  • She preferred drawing Nirami over herself.
  • Nirami served as an outlet to portray desired traits: edgy, crazy, bubbly, and adventurous.

    

  • The character's style evolved based on her interests, from "evil" and "edgy" to "adventurous" and predominantly "positive bubbly" characters.
  • She was inspired by characters like Pinkie Pie, even attempting an animatic with Nirami using a Pinkie Pie song to express happiness and excitement.

    

• Initial self-expression
  • As a 13-year-old, she found joy in fully expressing herself through Nirami, something she couldn't do in real life.
  • Around 2016, she started drawing herself more frequently but still favored presenting as Nirami.

    

Personal Struggles and Separation from Character (2016-2020) [0:03:59]

A significant life change around 2016 marked a turning point, as she realized she could never embody the persona she created.

• Struggles with self-identity
  • She experienced a low point, feeling labeled as a "quiet and shy girl."
  • She yearned to be bubbly and positive but felt unable to express it due to fear of ridicule and bullying.
  • This led her to adopt a "side character" role in her own life, accepting her perceived quiet, boring, shy, and unattractive self as a "fact."
  • Her self-esteem was "below zero," and she felt depressed, realizing the vast difference between her idealized character and her reality.
• Nirami's evolving independence
  • She started creating animation memes like "Bang Bang and Friends," giving Nirami her own distinct character and personality, further separating the character from herself.
  • This period was marked by her being "nothing," just "a creator," while Nirami became her own "person."

    

Turning Point and Self-Acceptance (2020-Present) [0:07:09]

In 2020, a major life change initiated her path towards self-acceptance.

• Breaking free from limitations
  • She dropped out of a biology university course, which she had felt pressured into by friends and found unsuitable.
  • She left behind people who had held her back from self-expression.
  • She found a new group of friends who became her "second family," providing support and showing her self-worth.
• Personal growth and healing
  • Realizing there was no longer a "danger" in being herself, she began to trust herself and try new things.
  • She felt her brain, which had "froze" during her school years, started to develop again around age 20.
  • This period felt like "experiencing puberty," as she was finally "allowed to breathe" and explore her identity.
  • She began therapy for three to four years, making significant progress in processing her past and developing self-love.

The Reconciled Relationship with Nirami [0:10:17]

Her journey of self-love and confidence meant she no longer needed her character to represent her ideal self.

• Authentic self-portrayal
  • In the "carousel video," her portrayal as "Creator 2024" shows her smiling and confident, relaxed, and satisfied.

    

  • Nirami in the video appears more confused and understanding of her role as a character, aware of the creator's influence on her story.
• Nirami's character development
  • She continues to portray Nirami as a positive and bubbly character, though toned down for a more realistic depiction.
  • She mentions an older brother for Nirami named Spencer, inspired by the show iCarly, which she later found humorous.
• Overcoming personal struggles
  • She started drawing herself more confidently only in the last two years, having previously avoided it due to body and face dysmorphia and not knowing "what I look like."

Clarification of Names [0:13:32]

She emphasizes the distinction between her character and herself.

• Nirami is the blue-haired character with panda ears.
• She is the artist, Vlada, and prefers to be called V for simplicity.
• She doesn't mind if people continue to call her Nirami but finds it easier for discussions if the distinction is clear between her as the artist and her character.